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I have always felt different. I always knew I was different and I always felt that there was more to life.
I believe in reincarnation and I believe I am a very old soul.
Ever since a very young age my mind has worked very differently and I have had a very peculiar intelligence that is so effortless.
My whole life I have never had to try. Everything just came to me like I’ve already done it a million times.
I have a photographic memory which is ironic because of my Aphantasia.
It’s not a photographic memory as to where I can just see everything I’ve ever looked at like a library. Instead, it is just stored in my brain as an intuition that I can access at pretty much anytime.
Anyways, what I’m trying to get at is I have always been spiritual in a sense that I knew there was way more to life than just the physical human existence.
But I grew up in a very small, conservative town so I had no immediate access to resources beyond the whole societal belief that life is all about going to school, getting a job, working your whole life, having kids, and just settling. Never exploring your mind, never exploring the world. You’re just basically a machine.
And growing up around that always made me feel so crazy and secluded.
I came off as shy but it’s only because I didn’t give a fuck what everyone else was saying. It was all pointless regurgitated shit that provided no benefit to me.
I was always wondering what the meaning of life was, why we were here, where humans came from, what our purpose was and so on.
And all people around me talked about was each other and about the news and the weather and other pointless shit.
When I finally had the chance to leave and go to college, I was finally able to be myself a little more. I could finally do the things I was interested in.
I started reading books on spirituality and philosophy.
And there was one specifc book that really opened my mind and caused a so-called “spiritual awakening.”
This was about 4 years ago now.
I was attending Central Michigan University.
I was an undecided major at this time, like I was most of my college career.
But on this particular day I decided to walk down the train tracks and go to this park with a river.
I honestly don’t know the name of the park or the river. But I visited that place quite frequently because I love nature.
So, I decided to go down by the water and read a book.
The book I was reading that day is called Be Here Now by Ram Dass.
This book is an autobiography of Richard Alpert, or as he is now known, Ram Dass.
Richard was a very successful Harvard professor but he always had the feeling there was more to life.
Even though he was seen as successful in the eyes of society by being a professor at Harvard, he was not satisfied with his life.
He tried using intellect to study and figure out human consciousness but his findings always came up short.
Eventually he was approached by a man who invited him on a conquest in India.
This conquest included mediation, yoga and LSD.
I don’t want to spoil the book too much.
But eventually in this book he said something and it just clicked.
His guru told him to just surrender to his life. Stop trying to fight the current, stop swimming, and just flow with the current. He told him to just “Be.”
And at this moment everything just clicked and it felt like my eyes were opened for the first time.
This was the first time in my life I truly just let go.
I heard the river next to me flowing and I closed by eyes and just became one with the world.
When I opened my eyes it felt like I was seeing the world for how it truly was for the first time ever.
Everyhing was so bright and beautiful. I couldn’t stop smiling. I felt so light and joyful.
I set the book down and was just present for multiple hours.
And yes, I was sober. The only thing I was high on was life.
And ever since that day I have always been in flow with the universe.
I go through my phases of ups and downs of course because I am human.
But my life was never the same after that moment.
I’m not saying this will happen for everyone by reading this book and reading these words.
But your time will come.
You just have to keep doing things that align with your true self.
You know deep down that there is more to life. You know deep down what your true passions are.
You just have to be your true self and stop trying to please everyone else.
Stop doing what everyone else expects of you.
Because at the end of the day the only one there for you is you.
You will never be truly happy If you only chase the version of success that is fed to us in society.
There will always be something missing.
You have to learn to Be Here Now and make the most out of every moment.
Because the present moment is all that exists.